film vault of the living dead aka..........

what were they thinking? Stay tuned as I review some movies that feature some Hollywood greats slumming it in some wretched crap they collected desperate paychecks for! Dont throw away the VCR's just yet, most of these will probably NEVER be released to DVD.

First up: What movie contains Audrey Hepburn and SNUFF films in the same 2 hour piece of trashy celluloid.........all will be revealed shortly!

okay...so heres the skivvy. For some reason that makes NO SENSE, Audrey Hepburn was lured out of a long retirement for a MAJOR motion pic. release of a Sidney Sheldon novel.......Bloodline. Heady stuff indeed. Perhaps she needed funding for her upcoming Gardens of the World coffee table book. Hmmmmmm....

Audrey plays the daughter of a multimillionaire who was mysteriously killed while mountain climbing. In FAB Hubert de Givenchy 70s couture Audrey globetrots as she proceeds to take over Daddy's company. But their is a stable full of sinister "cousins" that would like her to step down so they can collect the loot from the sale of the family business. Headed by an all star international cast that the 70s were notorious for assembling......James Mason, Omar Sharif and some hagatha old European actresses play nice with Audrey while her jeep brakes are tampered with on a winding cliff in Santorini, etc. Good ole Ben Gazzara is always on hand to save the AUD from peril though. And the two end up in an arranged marriage that turns to REAL LOVE. Poor ole Beatrice Straight (blink and you'll miss her Oscar Winner for Supporting in Network as Peter Finch's widow) even plummets to her death in an elevator ride to Hades intended for the AUD.

In the mix, are sporadic SNUFF film stagings with women and a baldy sinister type. Who knows why? But the women are killed while having sex with the baldy while a mysterious stranger watches. The calling card a piece of thin red ribbon around their necks....the BLOODLINE!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Could one of the sinister cousins be behind this? Is that the only plausible way that the two storylines could intersect? The ending spells it out as AUD is terrorized in her fab. Santorini digs by an unknown assailant. OH and Michelle Phillips from the Mamas and Papas and Knots Landing fame gets her knees nailed to the floor due to gamling debts. Yes, AUD and Michelle Phillips in the same movie. Ghastly stuff to quote the oh so British Mr. Mason.

You'll laugh, you'll laugh some more and then you will scratch your noggin wondering what the HELL she was thinking. But she looks great and any AUD movie is a veritable fashion feast so there you go!

NEXT on FILM Vault of the Living Dead....Lana Turner freaks out on ACID! Yep you read that right! And soon a rhapsodization of LA LIZ and her late 60s, early 70s period. Wasnt pretty but oh my was it fun!!!!! Til............